Summertime has hit and with it, the summertime dissonance has hit. The boys were genuinely sad that the school year ended– sad that they don’t get to see their friends every day. Instead, they are stuck at home with their mama who just isn’t a “go all the time and make it fun” kind of mama. Even if I didn’t have an infant in tow, I’d be hard-pressed to get them to the pool even once a week by myself. The day we all made it to the zoo was a major triumph.
As I said, all this would be difficult even if Oliver weren’t the age he is right now. With Oliver being three months old, though, he still wants to be held much of the time. I’ve tried to resist this in favor of doing more to keep the house picked up and to work on cleaning it out. But ignoring Oliver’s need to be held has meant also ignoring my own need to hold him and engage with him when he wants interaction. It’s been to my own personal detriment, too, as that old self-doubt and depression have seeped into the background of my life, threatening to rear their ugly heads full-force. It’s all better when I take time to tend to the baby.
I know what needs to happen….I need to slow down. I need to worry less about what gets done and when. I need to hold the baby more and I need to worry a lot less. It’s summertime and my big boys are really, really good at entertaining themselves and I need to remember that fact.
And best of all…this is all temporary. The routine that keeps us all anchored, the schooldays routine, will be back in full-force in less than two months and for that everyone in this household is grateful. For now, a few hours a day worth of video games, a few hours outside every day, and holding this sleeping child currently in my arm as much as possible is all that’s required. It would serve me well to remember that.